Please Don’t Bring Me Flowers

Yep, it’s that time of year again. Valentine’s Day. Sometime, somewhere, I’m sure I’ve read the story of the origin of Valentine’s Day, but I’m not buying it. I think it started with some bored Greek deity who looked down at the world and said, “You know, those couples look much too happy. It’s so dull. I think I’ll make up a day where they all have to be romantic. Hah! Nothing like romance on demand to really mess with a relationship.”

Not that I have anything against romance. (Yes, I did notice the title to this blog before I joined.) It’s the on demand part that screws it up. First of all, in case you haven’t noticed, it’s February. I find it difficult to feel sexy while wearing wool socks. A candlelit dinner? That would be fabulous. First, though, there’s that hour’s drive to the nearest restaurant. And after dinner, a treacherous stroll across an icy parking lot to a vehicle whose interior bears a striking resemblance to the freezer compartment of my fridge. An hour of dodging deer, cows and snowdrifts on the way home, only to climb out of the now warm car for a subzero hike to the house.

And me in my strappy little stilettos. Snort!

If by some miracle I’m still in the mood for a little lovin’ after all that, the sight of my husband stripping down to a baggy, one-piece wool blend union suit will probably finish it off. That, or the amount of work involved in peeling off five layers of my own clothes. Face it. Romance is much simpler when it’s warm outside. If we must do this Valentine’s thing, could we at least bump it into July?

Not that we’re much better at romantic occasions in the summer. One day last June, my husband called me at work.

“What’s up?” I asked.

“Just wondering if you had any plans for this evening.”

“The usual. Ride my horses, maybe rope a few calves. Why?”

“I thought I should check. Your mom says it’s our anniversary.”

Huh. News to me. After eighteen years, it all starts to get a little hazy.

I admit, it wasn’t always this way. On our first Valentine’s Day together, my future husband had a dozen red roses delivered to my office. I was suitably impressed, if a little concerned about the cost. At the time, the cattle market was bumping along at record lows. I married him anyway. A couple weeks after the wedding I picked up the mail. There was a bill from the florist. I peeked. It was for my Valentine’s flowers. The next month, it came again.

I couldn’t stand it. I paid the stupid thing.

“From now on, I’d rather you didn’t get me flowers,” I told him. “I can’t afford it.”

***

This year, my husband gets a pass on Valentine’s Day. Maybe even my birthday. Because yes, he finally did it–I have a new hot water heater. It was not an easy process. It involved painting walls, moving appliances, building a cabinet. And tools. Lots and lots of tools:

But now it’s done, and I gotta go. I need to take another shower.

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11 Responses

  1. just think how long strip poker would last at your house in February. By the time you get through all the layers, it’d be April. 🙂

    I used to do wonderful gifts for the hubby for Valentine’s Day. After 25 years, I’m not so good.

    The problem is my husband. He STILL does wonderfully romantic things. Like he’s already made reservations for dinner out that night…and it’s still two freaking weeks away! He’ll have a card. I know he will. Sigh. Guess I’d better be on the lookout for his.

    But really, the guys have it easy. Dinner, flowers and they’re done. The ladies? Not so much. We have to think of gifts.

    Congrats on the hot water tank. I think you’ve got your Valentine’s present. Now you just need the whirlpool tub for all the hot water.

  2. Congrats on the tank! That’s awesome.

    And yeah, this year I’m telling my husband no more flowers. I’m tired of paying that bill at my anniv. and valentines. And truth be told. You know what I’ve always wanted–a cheap arrangement from the grocery store that I can stick in my own vase.

    I think this is the first year on Valentines I haven’t had to sit back and really think about what to get him. he wanted a knife for christmas. I got him one and so did his parents, but not in the color he had wanted. so I’m getting him another.

  3. Nothing says love like a hot shower.

  4. Congrats on the new hot water heater. I’ll take the chocolate with the cuddly bear.

  5. GEEEEEEEEEEZUZ, I freakin love your blog posts. HI-LAR-RI-OUS!

    I don’t do flower. Dude, they die. They shrivel up and die. I got roses on our honeymoon. The were pretty, but that night, I’d have thought a cow’s behind was pretty. I haven’t gotten anymore. LOL

    YAY for more hot water!

  6. You got your water tank! Yay!

    I like flowers. They’re pretty. They say I thought about you. So I’m like luke-warm on them. Chocolate would be even better but my hubs is a health freak and would bring me something like healthy dark chocolate.

    My husband is impossible to buy for. Reminds me of Modern Family I watched last night. Spandeu Ballet? Funny episode. Maybe I’ll get hubs the backup singer from an 80s group I think he likes.

  7. Great post! Man, we are boring here at our house. No flowers, maybe a card, definately a box of chocolate and if we make it out to dinner it’s the day before or after Valentine’s Day so we can avoid the crowds. LOL But we fill the day with lots of love! That counts right?? 🙂

    And Yeah! Congrats on the water heater!! 🙂

  8. The hot water heater would have been the “paid in full for all important occasions” for me too.

    I don’t get Valentine’s Day. To me people who generally don’t say they love you or care, suddenly feel they’ve met their obligations with that card or flowers and it gives them a pass the rest of the year around. I don’t buy it. Why one day of the year, if you’re loved all year around and appreciated by your significant other you wouldn’t give the day much thought. I don’t.

    And yes, I do have a very romantic guy. I get roses out of the blue, a card, or just a simple note that says I haven’t said it enough lately but “I love you.” We make a point to treat Feb.14th as any other day of the year. (Hugs)Indigo

  9. I love it!
    Oh, the pressure of holidays.
    (visiting from Kari Lynn at Montana for Real)

  10. I’ll admit I’m not into all the smarmy romance of Valentine’s Day. But come on. Chocolate! Any holiday that involves me getting chocolate is okay in my book. 😉

  11. Oh Valentines Day- this year I’m 1000 miles away from my honey. But all we’d do is have a nice dinner at home, probably my world famous shrimp pasta (not kidding on the famous part) he loves so much and we’d watch a movie. That’s it. Time and money better spent!

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