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Newlyweds!

…not me. Going on eight years of wedded bliss now.

A friend of mine is about to take the plunge and topics have come up about settling in together, finding a routine, and in general, getting each others peeves greased for happy marriage.

Memories of when I first married are starting to surface.

The husband and I both went from living at home to living with each other literally, over night the day of our wedding. All I had was a sister. He only had two older brothers. Things took time. Bending was made. Patterns figured out. Some of those things that drove the other nuts we laugh about today and occasionally still do for the fun of it. So here’s a list of a top few things I remember dealing with while adjusting:

Me: OMG, I married a man who turns into a train at night. *punches and kicks to makes the snoring stop*

Husband: I’ve never seen so many shoes all over the house in my life. She hides them under the piles of laundry on purpose so I step on the heels at night. I know it. Speaking of laundry….

Me: Why is he making the bed with me in it? What is the big deal about sleeping with laundry on the end or wrinkles in the sheets? Laundry on the bed turns into extra covers on cold nights.

Husband: Digs out matted and molded smelling glob of hair from the drain. *gags and dry heaves* What does she do in the shower? I just unstopped the drain last week.

Me: Would you please stop piling my sorted laundry back together at night! What is the problem? One big pile looks just as cruddy as four small ones.

Husband: Didn’t I take the trash out yesterday? Why is there stuff in here again? *peeks in, sees monthly items, and gags* “Keri! You start hiding this stuff!”

And the list could go on. What about you? Have you been married and needed to adjust? What about living with someone (a significant other or even a roommate in college?) What dirt do you have for my soon-to-be-married friend?

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6 Responses

  1. Next week will be 26 years for me and hubby! But I do remember the early days.

    I used to stand in the shower at night and weep, loud gasping crying. I did it in the shower so hubby wouldn’t hear! It was stress release. I’d moved. My dog didn’t get along with his dog and had gone to live with my parents. I had to sell my house. I hated his laundry room. and so forth. It was all the sudden changes. I’d been on my own for a while (I was 28 when we married), so it was a difficult adjustment.

    Advice?
    1. If you don’t want to pick up his socks and undies the rest of your life, don’t do it in the beginning. It’s hard to “unbreak” habits.
    2. If you divy up household duties, you don’t get to tell him HOW to do whatever duty is his. If you want the toilets cleaned a certain way, do it yourself. Redoing everything is time-consuming and insulting.
    3. Pick your battles. You might win a battle but lose the war.

    Good luck to your friend.

  2. Oh boy. Takes me back.

    Adjusting to living in a situation as intimate as marriage takes time, but I’m afraid most of us are so intent on the logistics of the wedding that we don’t think about what comes next. Even for those who are living together prior to the great event I would think the big step gives you pause for thought. All of a sudden little exasperations become major bumps in the road because they might go on FOREVER.

    I think Cyndi’s advice is great. I second it with enthusiasm, and would add only this:

    4. If he’s tired and you’re tired and you’re both cross, forget that old advice about settling the problem before you go to sleep. Problems are a lot easier to deal with (or to live with) when you’re rested. Fatigue and anger so often go hand in hand.
    5. Virtues and liabilities are often related. My dear husband is easy-going and doesn’t get upset about things. This unfortunately also is true when it comes to stuff I want him to do (the first frost has killed the petunias he hasn’t yet pulled out of the boxes around the deck) and he can walk over clothes dropped on the floor and never see them. On the other hand, a friend of mine has a husband who never leaves a job half done, but is also apparently constitutionally incapable of spending a lazy rainy Saturday afternoon just hanging out. He becomes a ball of irritable energy.
    Watch out for what you ask for!

  3. awesome advice Cyndi! and oh yes, yes–pick your battles. you can’t have everything your way.

  4. Spot on with that bit about going to sleep when you’re angry if you’re tired, Beppie.

    Most of the time when I wake up the next morning, I wonder why was I so mad over THAT.

  5. Laughing at your friend’s husband, Beppie. That would be my husband to a “T”. Which I’m not really sure what that expression means. It could be tea or tee. I wouldn’t know. But what I do know is that my husband has two gears – fixing something or sleeping. That’s it.

    I married my childhood sweetheart so I kinda knew what I was getting. Not. You don’t know someone till you marry him. It was rough in the beginning. We got married, moved eight hours away from home. He went to dental school and I went to work teaching. I had no friends and he studied all the time. ALL THE TIME! Thank goodness for my little dog and my new bff Rachel. I likely wouldn’t have made it through.

    Biggest advice I can give. Tell the other person how you feel. Even if it’s stupid, irrational or nitpicky. Then talk it through. Communication really is the key to a successful marriage. That and withholding sex. Just kidding on the last one. 🙂

  6. Loved this, Keri! LOL We will be celebrating 20 years this month. Man that’s a long time. I can still vividly remember standing in our living room buried in tons of laundry and wondering what the heck I’d done. Lots of adjustments over the years and we seem to be adding new ones with each year. His snoring being the biggest one. I need my sleep! LOL I agree, communication and picking your battles are key to making things run smoothly. 🙂

    You crack me up, Liz! Ahummm…guilty on that last one! But he left me no other choice! 😉

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