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Special Wines for Special Occasions

Before we talk wine, let’s talk gossip. Look to the right—————————————>

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Now to the wine!

Recently my husband came home with a “special” bottle of wine. He said when he saw it on the shelf, he knew it was perfect for us. What wine was perfect for us?

That’s right. It’s the Mad Housewife! So what occasions would you pair with this wine? My suggestions are…

  • After wife picks up hubby’s dirty socks and underwear for the umpteenth time
  • When the husband calls home and gives the wife one hour notice that he’s bringing the boss home for dinner
  • When the dryer dies and hubby suggests hanging the clothes outside since that’s how his grandmother did it
Then I got to thinking about pairing other special wines with special occasions. Here’s some suggestions…
FAT BASTARD wine…Perfect as a gift for:
  • The boss who gave you a 1% raise, while he gave himself 5%
  • The internet blind date who used a picture from 20 years ago…and 100 pounds and a full head of hair ago
Oops Wine…Perfect for:
  • Announcing your unplanned  pregnancy to the baby daddy
  • Telling your spouse about the new dent in the car
Purple Cowboy Wine…Perfect for:
  • Celebrating with the cowboy with the winning wild bronc ride
  • Turning down sex with the hunky cowboy for the 10th time
Simply Naked Wine…Perfect for:
  • Announcing to the cowboy above that you’ve changed your mind about sex!
  • Sipping while sunning on one of France’s famous nude beaches
You KNEW I’d save the best for last, right?
That’s right. Bitch Wine…Perfect for
  • The book reviewer who just didn’t “get” your last book
  • As a welcoming gift to cellblock D at the local prison
From Vicki Batman, we have…
Cupcake wine!
And even the picture has it paired with Vicki’s suggestions
And from Donna Alward, we have
He Said She Said Wine
This wine seems so perfect for so many occasions! Of course being a romance writer, Donna thinks it should be used for make-up sex…followed by Oops perhaps?
Donna reminded that so many wines use Toad or Frog in the title, which has me seriously confused!
Toad Hollow Wine
Who thought Frog Piss was an enticing name? Would you drink Frog Piss?
Arrogant Frog Wine
And exactly how can a frog be arrogant???
Okay. I’ve had my fun. It’s your turn. Add a special occasion to one (or more) of the above wines. Or better, give us the name of another wine you’d like to gift to someone.

31 Responses

  1. Right now I’d like to give someone “Fat Bigot” wine. That’s all I plan to say about that.

    Funny post, Cyndi. You’ll probably kick me off the blog when I tell you I don’t drink wine–did my girl-card just get another tear? But I have been to Gallo’s headquarters in Modesto, where we saw the bottling line, learned how they make natural and artificial corks, and watched machines turn molten glass into bottles. And after, we got to raid the employee store. 😉

    • I don’t drink as much wine as I used to (or even drink as much as I used to!)

      But I love the names of these wines. There are so others I needs to post. I’ll be back with more wines later

    • Gwen,

      I don’t drink wine either – wine coolers yes, wine no. We don’t really drink that much either. I like a Parrot Bay Strawberry Daquiri coolers and occasionally a mixed drink but that’s about it.

  2. Heh. my stepdad drinks Fat Bastard regularly. that’s his favorite wine. 🙂

    Gwen–I dont’ drink it either. I’ve TRIED, but everything I’ve had is just…not good. serve me up something rum anyday of the week instead!

  3. Those are fantastic, Cyndi. The only one that comes to my head is Cupcake. I think would pair well with….drum roll, please…cupcakes!

    Truthfully, give me a champagne cocktail, or two or three.

    Bottoms up!

  4. Thanks for the laugh Cindy. Sorry I don’t now funny wines, but I absolutely love those you suggested, especially the last one.

  5. Awesome. I’ll take a case of each. Thanks!

    • Hmmm…A Case of each? You realize I don’t have my first book out until February (on which I assume I will make millions of $$ hee hee) Can’t afford. BUT if anyone want to come drink wine in Arkansas, I’m betting I can get together a group to try all these!

  6. How about “He Said She Said” – perfect for romance writers or as a set up for Make up sex.

    Then there’s Toad Hollow’s “Askew” which really is, to my mind, a “crack open the second bottle” kind of wine.

    And finally, “Le Beast” – the only word that comes to mind is ROWRR!

    Great post – I have a bottle of Pinot Noir “A La Maison” waiting for me tonight (which translates into…I made it, lol).

  7. I’ve seen Vampire and werewolf wines before. They are from Romania.

    We went to the Jack Daniels Distillery in Lynchburg, TN about 20 years ago and took the tour of the plant. Would you believe it’s a dry county and you couldn’t get any JD there, not even for gift.

  8. Cyndi, This was hysterical! I’m a pinot noir freak…red wine is really the only thing I drink– and this was such a fun post… Gotta remember a few of these! thanks for a good laugh!

  9. I LOVE this post!!! No, I would not drink Frog Piss wine. Ewww. But there are a few of those I’d like to own. ; )

    You know I’m going to Google some of these now, right? ; )


  10. These are fabulous, Cyndi!

    Here’s one that works for me on pretty much any occasion: http://bit.ly/mOxmIN.

    Happy Friday!

  11. Add me to the “don’t drink wine” list. But wine has such an uppity connotation, I love the humor of these! 🙂

    • So, Natalie, we really were separated at birth. 😉 I don’t drink much of any alcohol unless it’s cold and fruity, but even then only a few times a year. Just never got into it.

      • Sigh. What am I going to do with you ladies? What about tequila shots?

        • Ewwwww!


          I’m mostly a mixed-drinks person, and usually only when I’m out with friends. Frozen mudslide, brandy alexander, maybe a kahlua and cream. I’ll put a dash of kahlua in hot coca in the winter.

          We have, like, 11 bottles of booze (mostly whiskey, some tequila and vodka) in our pantry. We were given some when we first got married (19 years ago), and my FIL passed along some bottles he got from vendors through work. I have a bottle of triple sec I bought for mimosas after my SIL’s wedding or something—14 years ago!

        • I have done those before! I was expecting the worst because my cousins were prepping me with salt and limes to have on the ready. I licked, tossed and sucked so fast, I never tased a bit of the tequila LOL

  12. These were great, Cyndi. I absolutely adore wine and often the hubs and I go up and down the aisles looking at funny names. Some are really creative.

    BTW, I love Cupcake Cabernet – one of my less expesive favs.

    Hmm, I’m in the mood for a glass right now.

  13. Little Black Dress is also a very nice red. 🙂 Isn’t it great when you try wines simply because of a great label/name?

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