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Resolutions

Resolution.

Even the word sounds like a sigh.

As a rule, I don’t make resolutions. In my experience, it’s kind of a recipe for failure.

When I first thought about writing this blog, I looked up the most frequent resolutions: to lose weight, get in shape, eat better, save money. Chances are, if I didn’t do those things in 2011, I won’t start because of a day on the calendar. Besides, small changes are best and most resolutions are grand, sweeping, major life changes. So I don’t do them. This year is no exception.

I do, however, make goals, but I don’t restrict goal making to the first of January. Short term, quarterly goals work better for me. Why? I tend to procrastinate. This blog is a good example. I’d planned to write it about a week ago. I’m writing it the night before it’s supposed to post. Of course had I written it when I’d planned, when it was scheduled on my to-do list, it would have been an entirely different post, a much more clinical post.

Hmm. I should mention that I also tend to ramble.

So on January 1st, in the  morning before the kids were awake, I grabbed a cup of coffee and found myself sitting alone in front of our now sad-looking, droopy, but brilliantly lit, Christmas tree.

My tree is only decorated with ornaments, most of them painted by me over the years for the kids, some painted for me and the kids by my mom and some given by friends. Each one is special, each one holds a memory: 5 first Christmases, ballet shoes from the year the now 17yo wanted to be a ballerina, hand prints on paper ornaments made in Kindergarten. The ornament my mom painted for me in 1978, a red stiletto ornament given by friend, the angel from my grandma.

I was suddenly struck by how blessed I am.

You see, this next year holds a lot of change for my family, a lot of unknowns. The house is upside-down and we’re teetering on foreclosure, husband just got a huge pay cut, we’re expecting a new baby, ex-husband has decided he doesn’t want to pay child support any more and has remained unemployed, but wants the kids more… you know, kinda big, kinda scary things.

But sitting there, I felt so profoundly blessed I walked down the hall and asked my husband to join me. I tried to explain to him why I was crying, why I knew without a shadow of a doubt we were going to be okay, but being the man he is, I really didn’t have to.

He’s one of my blessings.

So together we thanked God for our blessings and I made the only resolution I’m going to make and pray that I keep in the new year: To remember that moment near the tree and being so overwhelmed by a grace that is humbling, a grace for which the only response is thank you.

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10 Responses

  1. What a beautiful moment to share. I, too, am more blessed than I can ever ask. I have such a wonderful husband, children, family and friends,…and those are the true blessings. All the other stuff is gravy.

    Hope you new year turns out wonderfully, and if we all remember to be thankful, we’ll indeed turn out more blessed 🙂

  2. I am so touched by your post today. Sometimes–no, many times I stop and thank God for all my blessings. I have so many. A wonderful husband. An incredible lifestyle. I am blessed many times over.

    I hope 2012 turns out to be a wonderful year for you and your family. It takes someone special to find the blessings in life when all around might be looking bleak…and you are that special person.

  3. Thanks for this touching post, Shawna. It’s so easy to get caught up in the things of this world and worry about the future. I try to remember to count my blessings daily, but this was a great kick in the pants for my New Year. 🙂 I’d already let the worry set back in. Through all our trials and struggles, God is and will forever be so good!

    May 2012 bring you lots of love, laughter, joy and peace!

  4. Wow, Shawna. So much uncertainty ahead, but I agree that in the end if you’re surrounded by the ones you love, you are rich. I try to be thankful daily for the lifestyle I have, but I also know it would mean nothing without my husband and kids around to share it.

    I hope 2012 turns out to be a wonderful year for you and your family!

  5. What a wonderful post Shawna – I only wish you and your family the best for 2012.

    I definitely know what you mean about being blessed. Little Bit (our granddaughter) has Cystic Fibrosis and we are so thankful for her everyday. There is only 1 other person in the world that has the same combination of genes that she does so there is little known about how severe a case she will have. Fortunately so far she has had few problems and is doing exceptionally well.

    Everyday with friends and family is a blessing and I am thankful for those around me. Happy New Year to everyone I hope everyone has a wonderful year and it’s filled with wonderful things.

  6. I had the same reaction to your post as everyone else, Shawna. I’ve had moments like those in my life, and that moment of realizing everything was going to be okay was always right. I”m confident it will be for you, too.

    I sense great things for everyone in 2012!

  7. (hugs) Shawna. Such a heartfelt post. Many can relate to it and we all know you’ll put through it and have a wonderful year in 2012

  8. To all of you, thank you. This was a hard blog to write and a harder one to post. You know that little voice inside your head that says, you can’t say that!

    It was also good to read your comments right after I sat down to pay bills this morning.

    So thank you again.

    All I can say is amen. : )

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