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One Writer’s Confession: The Things that Scare Me

Help me give a big Romancer welcome to Tamara Morgan!

***

Based on the title, I could make this a highly intelligent post about all the scary things a writer faces as her first book enters the world. I could talk about how the overwhelming fear of rejection can stilt the creative process, or how every day is an exploration in pushing myself to succeed.

While these fears are present and worthy of study, they’re not what I’m here to talk about today. What I’m really here to talk about are…goats.

My fear of goats can be traced to a single event that occurred not too long ago. Picture, if you will, a young mother pushing her baby in a stroller through a state park. This is a nice park, mind you, with paved trails winding down to the river. A place to take in the fresh air and beautiful sights.

Even though it is midday, there is no one around. The young mother suddenly hears the clickity-clack of cloven hooves behind her. She whirls to discover the horror that is The Chasing Goat.

No one knows where The Chasing Goat came from, or why it decided to journey through the park on that day. All we know for sure is that it took one look at the young mother, zeroing in on her with its yellow, rheumy eyes, and decided to move. Not away from the scary human creatures, and not past them toward the delicious pastures below. Oh, no. This goat darted right after our poor young mother.

Guys, I ran.

I’m not ashamed to admit it. I was all alone in the woods and out of nowhere, this goat decided it wanted to EAT MY BABY.

I couldn’t turn around and go back up the hill to the safety of my car, because I would have had to pass the goat to get there. And since I had the stroller, the woods were out of the question. So I ran the only place I could go: down. Down the paved path toward the river, hoping that maybe I could get far enough ahead to climb a tree or jump into the water.

Now, having grown up in a semi-rural place, I know a little bit about safety in the woods. I know that you should always make yourself appear larger when confronted by a mountain lion, and that you should avoid eye contact and stand your ground if you see a bear. But I defy anyone to find me the guide for How to Prevent Attack from The Chasing Goat.

Because that goat? It followed. And it was fast. And it wanted to EAT MY BABY.

Since I’m still here today, you can all assume that I survived the attack. It was hit and miss there for a while, so let’s just say that if it weren’t for a man fishing down by the river with his super fierce and kick-ass Border Collie, I might not be here today to share my book and my tale. I owe that dog my life, and if he ever falls down a well, I’ll be the first to alert his family.

Unfortunately, however, the damage was done, and I’ll be damned if you can get me anywhere near a goat now. I don’t trust them or their yellow, rheumy eyes. (However, their milk does make delicious cheese. I’ll give them that.)

Of course, I’m scared of other things, too—not just writer stuff, but Muppets, winding mountain roads, and Carrot Top.

But this post is already too long. Someday I’ll tell you how I feel about that creepy little orange Muppet with the tiny head. I might also share with you the story of careening down a cliff in a bus and how that scarred my younger self.

And someday, when I’m feeling very brave, maybe we can even tackle Carrot Top’s eyebrows.

* * *

About Love is a Battlefield (Releases 2/14)

It takes a real man to wear a kilt. And a real woman to charm him out of it.

It might be modern times, but Kate Simmons isn’t willing to live a life without at least the illusion of the perfect English romance. A proud member of the Jane Austen Regency Re-Enactment Society, Kate fulfills her passion for courtliness and high-waisted gowns in the company of a few women who share her love of all things heaving.

Then she encounters Julian Wallace, a professional Highland Games athlete who could have stepped right off the covers of her favorite novels. He’s everything brooding, masculine, and, well, heaving. The perfect example of a man who knows just how to wear his high sense of honor—and his kilt.

Confronted with a beautiful woman with a tongue as sharp as his sgian dubh, Julian and his band of merry men aren’t about to simply step aside and let Kate and her gaggle of tea-sippers use his land for their annual convention. Never mind that “his land” is a state park—Julian was here first, and he never backs down from a challenge.

Unless that challenge is a woman unafraid to fight for what she wants…and whose wants are suddenly the only thing he can think about.

Warning: The historical re-enactments in this story contain very little actual history. Battle chess and ninja stars may apply.

Tamara Morgan is a romance writer and unabashed lover of historical reenactments—the more elaborate and geeky the costume requirements, the better. In her quest for modern-day history and intrigue, she has taken fencing classes, forced her child into Highland dancing, and, of course, journeyed annually to the local Renaissance Fair. These feats are matched by a universal love of men in tights, of both the superhero and codpiece variety.

You can find her on Twitter, Facebook, and Goodreads.

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16 Responses

  1. Too funny. I ran from geese, pushing my baby in a carriage. Those creatures are intimidating, and if they wanted the path in the park … they could have it!

  2. Oh Tamara! How traumatic. Funny, but who laughs at a terrified woman pushing a baby stroller through the park while being chased by a goat? Oh. yeah. I just did! 🙂

    I have a border collie. Nice to know one came in handy for you.

    I love the sound of your book. Where’s the buy links?

    Thanks for visiting us today. Come back and play with us anytime

  3. For me it’s chickens. ACK! Pretty sure I still have scars on my calves from their nasty little spurs.

  4. I’m sure you’ve never tried it, Tamara, but you’ll be happy to know that goat, cooked right, is very tasty!

    I watched a goose chase a pretty girl in a short skirt in a park one day. Ended up rolling on the ground laughing (yeah, I felt badly, but it looked SO funny!)

    Happy it wasn’t me – danged thing was relentless!

  5. Oh my…. you didn’t mention their knobby heads, even when they don’t have horns. I have to admit to a mild fear of them. I had a pet goat as a child, but I hardly remember him. I will say I don’t turn my back on them at the petting zoo.

    thank you for sharing your fears with us. I’m thankful for fishermen and their brave dogs. : )

  6. LOL too funny! for me, it’s cows. can’t stand them. Went to catch my horse one day and I was chased by a HERD.

    Congrats on the release and thanks for joining us!

  7. Sorry, Tamara, but I had to laugh too. Just the image is funny, though I’m sure the event itself was terrifying. Now careening down a cliff on a bus??! That would scar anyone!

    Thanks for dropping by ENLR today. 🙂

  8. I’m scared by proxy. I don’t think I could have run! I’d never have been fast enough. The damned thing would have mowed me down. LOL

    Glad you got away, and your book sounds great!

  9. Thanks for my laugh of the day x 2! (Cynthia D’Alba and I had a laugh together, too!)

  10. LOL! Great post.

    Okay, I’ve been chased by a horny duck through the park. It was white and it thought I was its mate – kept flying at me and actually latched onto my arm with it’s beak (you know, like they do to head of a female). Luckily, I shook it loose before it copulated with my elbow, but it kept chasing me…much to half of New Orleans’ amusement.

    Also, I’ve been bitten by a monkey and pee’d on by a cougar. Some weird animal attraction I guess.

    So, sister, I get how you feel. But goats never seem to find me all that attractive.

    • Oh my gosh, Liz – did you read my comment? Was that YOU running through the park with a goose on your tail? So sorry I laughed at you –couldn’t help it.

  11. Loved your post. Thanks for sharing with us. We have a lake/pond that has about 30 or so geese behind the arts center. they are so used to people but they will still chase you so I feel your pain.

  12. I LOVE how many of us are frightened of barn animals. 😀 (Though I think the award goes to Liz. The Chasing Goat may have wanted to eat my baby, but at least it didn’t want to mate with my arm.)

    Thank you so much for having me here today and for stopping by to show your support!

  13. Bwahahahaha! This was the funnies comment section! I feel left out that I have no crazy animal story. I am going to go sit in a park today and wait for animals to attack, molest or befriend me.

    P.S. I will leave the baby and the stroller at home

  14. Oh my! What a terrifying experience! Sorry, I might have laughed just a little too. But only after I heard you made it out of there! LOL Love the title of your book! 🙂

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