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Getting Old Isn’t for Sissies!

EDITED:  You guys are cracking me up with you comments! Keep them up. 🙂

EDITED: All pictures have been removed.

I have come to the conclusion that growing old isn’t for sissies!

Some of us here are just babies with smooth skin (*glares at Keri Ford*).

Or still having children. (*stares at Shawna’s huge pregnancy bulge*)

On the other hand, some of us have taking aging past forty to a disgusting level (*sticks tongue out at Laura Drake for her 100 MILE bike ride and Pamela Hearon for her 30 MILE bike ride*)

I’ll admit to being past 29…okay, past 39. Geesh shut up. Past 49 but that’s as far as I’m going! Anyway, as the years have passed (and where in the hell do they go? Trust me. You’ll turn around and ten years have flown by!)….as I was saying (another problem with old people…we ramble!) Now where was I???  Oh yeah…as the years were stolen from my life, I’ve noticed I have had to adapt how I do things. Let me give you some examples….

Recently I was in Arizona with Cindy Kirk and Vicki Lewis Thompson. One morning Cindy pulls out a 10x mirror. 10x! WOW. I have a 4x, which used to more than adequate, but now? After seeing her 10x, I’ve got to get me one! Why? Well, let me tell you. When I was younger, I could lift my arm, see the hair in my armpit, and shave it away. Now? I can’t see a blasted thing under there, so I blindly swipe away with a razor, pretty sure I was doing a great job. I borrowed Cindy’s 10x mirror…just playing around. Not expecting to find anything. OMG! What I found was one LLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNGGGG pit hair I’d apparently been missing in my shaves for about the last 10 years or so! I swear. It appeared I was trying to grow a comb over…staring with pit hair. I could have rolled and fluffed that puppy!

Having discovered my eyesight isn’t what it once was, I decided to use that mirror a little more. What if I had nose hairs and no one had the heart to tell me? Or *gasp* a beginning of a beard? Luckily, Vicki has a house with great natural light and it was a bright sunny day. I rushed to one of her skylights and frantically began a close visualization of everything!  YAY! Clear. No beard. No nasal hairs where they shouldn’t be. No cheek hair for that matter! (I’ll confess…I’ve seen a few ladies that need that 10x mirror. I wonder if they realize their black chin hairs show? You’re all rushing to the mirror right now, aren’t you? Hee hee)

And then there is television. When did television stations begin broadcasting in blurry vision? And books! When did publishers decide an 8pt font was perfect for a print book? No wonder old people will love digital books! We can take that font up to 36pt if we want to. But I digress (another thing old people do…we’re easy to distract…) I have found the only way I can see clearly what is on television is with special glasses. And then I need ANOTHER pair of special glasses to read that damn small print in books. It’s a conspiracy, I tell you. I wonder if publishers and broadcasters get a kick-back from the purchase of these special glasses? So I have to sit here at night wearing two pair of special glasses if I want to watch TV and read at the same time!

And I’m not even going to discuss hearing loss…(What? Did you say something??? Speak up! Don’t mutter.)

Sigh. Yep. I’m not 29 anymore! And speaking of vision, here’s how I see me…

And sadly, here’s how everybody else sees  me….

So have YOU noticed any changes since you were 29? Everybody except Keri Ford. You just shut up.

In honor of how fabulous Cindy Kirk and Vicki Lewis Thompson are, I’m giving away a book from each of them!

From Cindy’s stash, it’s Jackson Hole Valentine

and from Vicki Lewis Thompson, NEXT Month’s Blaze…Long Road Home

Contest open to all anyone (U.S. Residents only) who comments at this post until Monday May 28. I’ll post a winner sometime that day. The contest will be open only to U.S. residents as these are paperback books (and unfortunately, mailing out of the country is cost-prohibiting.)

Additionally, for anyone (U.S. Residents only) who requests, I have a beautiful Texas Two Step Magnet and/or Texas Two Step Romance Trading Card. Both can be seen below…

<The Magnet………………………………………..The Romance Trading Card >


81 Responses

  1. So first thing, I need to go get one of those mirrors. Second thing you are still gorgeous, don’t doubt it. I know what you mean though. Just the other day I called my grandmother and told her “Mammaw you have to get older this year because I’ve caught you.” She’s been thirty eight since I was three. So now you know how old I’ll be in just a few weeks.

    Yesterday I was a high school senior, now I’m the mother of a high school sophmore. It’s crazy how fast it went. Now my knees creak and pop and I have to slow step when I first stand up until my hips know it’s time to move. It all reminds me I’m an inch away from the big 4-0. And I’m a little excited about it.

    To shamelessly steal from Jon Bon Jovi, the skin I’m in is alright with me, it’s not old, just older.

    • My mother was 29 until I was about 35 and she had a hard time explaining how I was 6 years older than her! LOL

      And knees and hips! I know what you mean. I have one “fake” knee (total replacement) and one that is currently making my life hell. In face, I had shots in my “real” knee this week. Ouch. And I’ll be having one a week for the next 4 weeks. Yip-ee!

  2. Yeah, like how blurry food has gotten lately and God forbid I have to see anything in the car close up when driving. Love the armpit story, girl. LOL

    • Blurry Food! Yes! Exactly! I didn’t mention that I have to wear glasses when I drive. Of course, I can’t read the speedometer or radio or a/c controls with THOSE glasses. No. Reading those take the special reading glasses. Sigh. Not for sissies, I tell you!

  3. In the past two years, I’ve learned things I *never* wanted to know. However, THIS is my story and I’m sticking to it:

    • HAHAHA. That’s hysterical William! And we’re tame here, considering the conversations that used to go on over on the Lipstick Chronicles. But you never have to worry. No sex-a-thons happening here. 🙂

  4. A few years ago (I was in my very early 30s), I taught women’s self-defense to teens and women, as well as a kids’ safety course at the local Y. The director mentioned getting positive feedback about the course, and I said something about the teens “identifying with me because I’m closer to their age.” The director just looked at me and said, “You’re not that young, honey….”
    I was shocked to realize it was true! *gasp* When had I lost my cool post-college status and moved fully into the adult category?

    • Good question! When do we move to the “adult” category? For some people, I think others consider them adults when they have children. For me, since I never had children, I’m going to stay in that cool-post-college group. 🙂

  5. Be glad miss Fresh-face-perky-boob Ford doesn’t share your name, Cyndi. –Vintage Keri

  6. The sad thing? When I’m 90 and she’s 70-something, I’ll still be calling her Whippersnapper and envying her wearing the thinner version of the Poise pads.

  7. Where the heck is Dorothy with that damned oil can when you need it? Who knew all the stupid stunts we did when we were in our twenties, and invincible, would catch up to us?

    Oh Cyndi, I could write an essay, but I won’t – you know.

    The cool thing is, if you don’t mind, it don’t matter! I’m convinced that our eyes go bad for a reason – so you can’t see the age spots on your face from lying in the sun all day slathered in baby oil as a kid. I do the best I can with a cover stick, so little children don’t run screaming, but other than that, I’m relaxing and letting it happen.

    I earned every one of those wrinkles and grey hairs…and had a hell of a good time doing it!

    Loved that clip, William!

    • Baby oil! oh yeah. and pour a little iodine in the bottle too! What were we thinking! We should have just slather our bodies with Crisco.

      But one of the cool things about getting older is getting to know the next generation in your family. My niece has my fingers and toes, not my sisters. I don’t have my mothers fingers and toes. I have HER mothers fingers and toes. I need to go visit my great-niece and see what I passed to her through my sister to her son. 🙂

  8. Great Post,im only 32 but with 4kids and a husband i feel alot older 🙂


    • Hi Regina. Yep. Children age us. But 32? Pashaw! You’re but a babe. What will happen is you’ll turn around and suddenly the baby will be a senior in high school and making college visits. Then you’ll remember this post and shake your head and wonder…where did time go?

      It’s hard for me to believe I’ve been married for over 27 years. I seriously don’t know how time could fly by so quickly!

  9. Greats posts, y’all! I have literally laughed out loud all the way through these! Cyndi, you almost made me spit my coffee and pee my pants at the same time! Hmmmm-maybe those thicker Poise pads Vintage Keri speaks of would help:-)
    I have one of those uber-magnifiers on my wall here at home and I’m a faithful tweezer. When we get home from a trip in the motorhome with its poor lighting, I’m always appalled at what’s gotten by me.
    Last Friday was my most humbling experience in a while. I had new promotional photos taken and the photographer edited one of them while I was there. OMG! The facial hair on my cheeks made me want to start a shaving regimen like DH.
    Maybe someone will develop those masks like Jane Jetson used to put on when she wasn’t at her best. Remember those? No, of course you don’t. You weren’t born yet::sigh::

    • OMG! The Jane Jetson masks. What a fabulous idea!

      I’ll make you a deal…While we’re in Florida, I’ll tell you about your facial hair if you’ll check under my arms. BRAWAHAHAHAHA

    • Oh, don’t even get me started. We had this whole conversation in the middle of book revisions Tuesday, starting with how most of the twenty somethings who would read it had only a vague notion of Wonder Woman and how my kid doesn’t know Tweety Bird, Snoopy or Fred Flintstone. Aiiiieee!

      • This will make you sad, Kari. The first book I wrote I had Whippersnapper Keri read it. It made a reference to a character who looked like a “young Cary Grant.” Whippersnapper Keri DIDN’T KNOW WHO CARY GRANT WAS!!!!!!!!!!!!

        waaaa. This younger generation is doomed.

  10. Boy, am I feeling this post! LOL My eye sight started acting funny last year around Sept. as I was writing check to pay bills. I ignored it. When my cell phone, and the lables on food boxes was blurring, I still ignored it. Then November rolled around and I paid dearly for it with horrible migrane headaches that lasted for days. I could only look at the computer for short spurts. I was freaking out! Sadly, my tactic of pretending the problem wasn’t there didn’t make it go away. 😦 Yep, using those glasses to read/edit now. Geessh…Talk about a wake up call! LOL

    • I’m laughing over here. I tried to pretend I could drive…until I could no longer read those HUGE exit signs! I would miss exits because I was in the wrong lane.

      Denial. Not just a river in Egypt, right?

      • heh. I’ve needed glasses since a young teen. my cousin was with me one day when I was driving and I was trying to explain when I could see things…because, you know I wasn’t wearing my glasses.

        so I go “you see that sign?”

        him “yeah.”

        me. *waits waits waits until the sign is nearly at the hood of my car and I sped read it…or half of it* “that’s when I could clearly read it without squinting.”

        I think he asked to drive at that point! so I do get the eyes.

  11. Well you make me feel.. well never mind.. but let me just give you some advice… laser hair removal now.. before they go grey and sprout to great lengths that can only been seen at awkward times.. like out in the sun… and they do make 15X mirrors… which is my next one..
    I do remember Rosie O’Donnell having a chin hair that when she/styist found it… she had them put a bead on it… it was funny beyond belief… until I started finding those long unexplained ones.. Oh well, at least women don’t sport that ‘ear hair’ that old guys do… or should I look again in bright light …

    • Oh heaven forbid if I have to start looking for ear hair!

      and a 15x??? I want that one!

      and I am HOWLING picturing a long grey hair flapping in the breeze! hee hee

  12. Enjoyed reading the comments and laughing because some of those things have happened to me. For years I wore a size 6 shoe. And now I don’t find cute styles in my bigger size. Another thing I have noticed is how loudly people want to talk to me. I politely tell them I have excellent hearing!

    • Shoe sizes..I never thought about that. My feet haven’t changed THAT much. But I do wear a size 10 and I have to tell you…those cute shoes in size 6 or 7 simply don’t look the same in same 10 and 11.

      My hearing is okay. My husband? OMG. I don’t think it’s his “Y” gene. He can’t hear nada!

  13. Cyndi, you’re hysterical! But you knew that. 🙂 Love this post. Think I’ll go out and buy stock in whatever company makes 10X mirrors and magnifying glasses. The Boomers are here, baby!

  14. I’m falling apart this year! I feel like I’ve aged decades the past few months. I had to buy my first pair of reading glasses because according to the eye doctor, my eye muscles are weak (is there ANY muscle of mine that isn’t weak??). Then, my spider veins are snaking all over my calves like a glitchy GPS. And the worst thing is that I can’t seem to find any comfortable shoes. Flat shoes hurt my arches and so do heels. God, I love shoes too much for this crap!!

    • Sandi, my dear, you are near to “old”! However, those “weak” muscles? I have them from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet. 🙂

      Thank you for reminding me about spider veins. If I could bend over my gut and see my legs and if I had on the RIGHT special glasses, I could probably see the spider veins in my legs.

      And YES YES YES on shoes. I gave up on finding COMFORTABLE high heel shoes. I was working on my WIP the other day and typed “high-HELL shoes.” BRAWHAHAHA I think my real opinion came out in that typo

    • My Mary Kay rep swears the TimeWise Firming Eye Cream, which is meant to tighten the skin in the eye area, cured her lazy eye. It definitely reduced my bags, so it might be worth checking out! 🙂

  15. I wish it could be as simple as needing reading glasses, but no. Not me. I had lazer vision correction five years ago, now the astigmatism in my right eye is getting worse again, which gives me this sort of funky, slightly doubled vision. For some reason, though, astigmatism improves your near vision, so I can read, etc. fine WITH MY RIGHT EYE. And I can see far just fine with my LEFT eye but my near vision is going in that one.

    I’m thinking an eye patch that I can just swap back and forth as needed.

  16. Lol…as we age…a lot of things change. I need to get one of those 10X mirrors because I know my 7X is no longer cutting it…lol….It’s amazing how your body changes as you pass birthday milestones after you turn 29…it’s much harder to lose weight once you pass 40 and the facial hair changes so much…Fun post!

    I loved William’s video too…made me laugh

    • Honey! My mirror is only a 4x! Now that someone has told me there is a 15x, here I come google! I’m going to find one.

      And weight…yes. it become very difficult to lose weight as we age. There are a couple of reasons, but I think undiagnosed and undertreated hypothyroidism is the major factor.

  17. Agreed! Getting older isn’t for sissies! And where can I get one of those 10x mirrors? Went snow skiing Dec 26th. First day, first run, torn ACL = Last day, last run, physical therapy and off the slopes for over a year. This kinda stuff didn’t happen when I was in my thirties…And I didn’t have my reading glasses to sign forms at the ER. Sigh…

    • I didn’t laugh about your torn ACL. However, I did laugh about needing your glasses to sign the forms in the ER. BRAWAHAHAHAHA

      Now get your driving glasses ready for your 8000 mile trip!

    • All of you are too funny. I didn’t have my daughter till I was 30 so my age kind of crept up on me. I have always been petite and I thought healthy somewhat other than blind as a bat and extreme Migraines and seizures but 50’s I have everything and, but my mind has refused to accept it and it mentally still thinks i am 30. Bodywise try almost 55+. I wish I could be as funny as you all are and as talented. But you all got me thru my treatments when I was having chemo.

      • I have totally fallen apart bodywise. I blame my lack of exercise. I never liked exercise. Even as a child I didn’t do that much. Mentally and intellectually I KNOW i need to exercise. But I just hate it. The ONLY thing that has even worked for me to have an exercise buddy but I just can’t seem to keep one!

        I’m glad we’ve made you laugh, Jan

  18. Getting old isn’t for sissies, but as my mom always says, “It sure as hell beats the alternative.” Great post Cynthia!

  19. Cindy – I’m with you in the past 49 club, though my mother insists she’s still 29. 😉 Where I notice it most is, I just can’t drink as many Margaritas any more – the hangovers just aren’t worth it. Even remembering some of my binges from college days is enough to give me a headache. Also, I’ve had to switch from running to the eliptical trainer because my knees can’t take the pounding.

    • YES! The booze intolerance. You are so right. I could drink a 6-pack back in the day. Do you think it’s age or do you think we’ve just gotten “out of practice”?

  20. Oh, lordy, you gals are hysterical! I share your pain and your laughter. My problem is how to do eyebrows–you have to take your glasses off to get to your eyebrows but then you can’t ducking see the dang things!! GRRR!

  21. Hilarious, Cynthia. I have all those problems and a lot more. You forgot to mention the bladder. lol

  22. Cynthia and gang, you all are just crackin’ me up! I do NOT need one of those 10x mirrors, nosirree! I don’t need to see what all I’ve been missing while grooming or the depth of my gaping pores or wrinkles the size of the Grand Canyon! Aging definitely isn’t for wimps–all this creaking and aching and extra padding ain’t no fun ;p

    • Nope. We ain’t discussing the “extra” padding, although I do take comfort that I will live longer in a food shortage crisis than some of those skinny gals! LOL

  23. God, I love you guys. 🙂

    Cyndi, I had an arm hair epiphany recently. As you know, I had to go without my contacts for 6 weeks before LASIK. So I showered blind. but that meant suddenly I could see my armpit hair! Now that my eyes are perfect for distance, I can’t see the few inches real close up, so my armpit hair is blurry.

    “Luckily,” as I’ve aged my hair all over has gotten very thin and sparse: hair, eyelashes, legs, arms, pits… All EXCEPT my upper lip and my eyebrows. So I haven’t had a mile-long armpit hair discovery.

    The local paper did a very nice writeup about my local RWA chapter recently. But I was shocked to see “Natalie Damschroder, 41…” I have no problem with my age but all of a sudden it felt old. And THEN I found out the magazine the article was in targets the regions 50-and-older crowd. :/

  24. Gosh, I can hardly remember when I was 29. I remember Queen Elizabeth becoming queen as that was ages ago. My eyesight changes, my weight varies and shifts and I was just saying that I used to spend time in the mirror checking everything out but now I seem to be rushed and not quite as obsessed. I know that there are compensations and the trick now is not to need a walker to keep up with my grandson in his walker. Ah, youth..it is indeed wasted the young.

    • Yes, Marie. You speak words of wisdom…Youth is wasted on the young!

      But then, so is college!

      As far as not as obsessed…I’m not as obsessed about my appearance as I used to be. I’m okay if I don’t have on make-up. I don’t feel the need to slather my face daily with the stuff. And even when we go out and I “put on” make-up, it’s a whole lot less than it was in my younger days. I think I’m more comfortable in my own skin now.

  25. well. what’s happened since I turned 29? eh, not much. I mean, that was just 2 and half months ago. I haven’t lost anymore weight since then! …course, my diet hasn’t been perfect either.

    hmm. what else. I’ve lost some hair! that’s really due to stress with this @(*$&@ book. I have some acne. See that sentence about the *@&$($!$& book.

    my kid got out of 4yr old preschool! OH and we registered him for kindergarten. OMG, I HAVE A KID. OLD ENOUGH FOR KINDERGARTEN. *panic* *sobs* next thing you know, I’ll be walking hunched over, curling my arm pit hair and braiding my chin hair!

    • Get control of that diet NOW because I promise, it won’t get any better as you get older.

      I’m trying to picture you with a long chin braid. I’m thinking hubs won’t like the look! LOL

      I cannot believe Brady is 4! I remember when there was NO Brady. Sigh. They grow up so fast.

  26. These comments are so funny. I turned 44 this past Wednesday. I had a hip replacement in 2004 and now my knees are creaking.

    I have been going to water aerobics the last couple of months becaue it’s the only type of exercise I enjoy doing. I’ve made a lot of friends there so the friend/buddy factor is there. The instructor is a lot of fun too and that helps. I love the aqua zumba class on Tuesday the best.

    I went to the eye Dr a couple of months ago and he said that my eyesight was sill ok and I didn’t need glasses but I am still having problems with my eyesight. Hubby had to have glasses when he went and he’s 39 – 2 difderent pair one for reading and one for regular use.

    • Yes, yes. I know all about those knees and hips. One fake knee here and one threatening to go out. Of course if I’d lose some weight it would help but see above answer about exercise. I just don’t like it!

      But good for you on the water aerobics. You just 44. Still time to turn the boat around!

  27. What about the over 50 hot flashes? You know, when you wake up in the middle of the night and think you’re on fire and it’s not the result of reading some intense scene in a romance novel. Being hot has a whole new meaning to me now.

    • You’re right! I’d forgotten about hot flashes as I seem to have lose in my recent past…thank goodness. However, have you noticed how HOT all the department stores are? I can barely shop and try on clothes because I get too hot. One day I was trying to write a check in TJMaxx and I swear, sweat dripped off my face and smeared the ink on the check! Have taken to carrying hubby’s hankies so I can wipe my face like Louis Armstrong! (And please…all your whippersnappers reading this, don’t tell me you know know who that is!)

      • First, department stores have always been hot! Part of the reason I hate shopping for clothes. Hard to see if they fit right if they’re sticking to your whole body.

        Secondly… Oh, come on! Louis Armstrong? I’ve had his greatest hits album since high school and loved him long before that. He’s iconic! Even my teenagers know “It’s a Winderful World”! 🙂

  28. yes, yes and yes. but for me it’s my memory…as good as it was, now it isn’t. yuck. have you noticed that it’s hard to claim to be 39 when your kids are moaning about being 40 and more? who told them they could get so old?

  29. I’m almost 49 (no, really!). And it’s been downhill for 9 years. I have my kids read the small print on medicine bottles for me. They think it’s hilarious. What do teens know anyway?

    • Oh yeah h*ll on those medicine bottle. The OTC bottles are ridiculous. I joked about books being 8pt font, but those OTC bottles? They have to be 2 or 3 MAX! I installed a magnifier on my Droid phone and trust me, it is great.

  30. Loving this discussion, but I need to duck out and pick up some depends, you guys are making me pee my pants!

    Maybe I’d better get two boxes. Have you ever been in a store and sneezed, Cyndi? Jeez, there’s just no pride in this old crap.

  31. When I turned 50 I was excited, life begins at 50. The kids are grown, I have more time to myself and I can start a new hobby. That’s what I thought.. My body turned 50 and started to rebel. I started to run every day and it reminds me with every ache and pain that it’s over 50 and will not have any of this exercise nonsense We are at war, but I’m determined to win, wish me luck!

  32. Very fun post. I haven’t reached that age yet, but I guess it’s only a matter of time.

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